IDOL ME.

Its Tuesday. Do you know what that means? No, its no fishstick night. Its American Idol Performance night!! I will admit, I am an Idol junkie. Not to the point where I have ever voted, but enough of a junkie to watch it religously. I like to think I know what is going to happen, so with that said, I am going to rank the remaining 8 contestants. I would have done this earlier with the Top 13 but I had to wait for my girl Meghan Joy to be voted off the show. I did not want to be bias in any form or fashion. Ok. Lets break it down.

THANKS FOR PLAYING

Scott MacIntyre- We get it dude. You are blind and you can play the piano...well with your eyes closed(too harsh huh). Is anybody else a little freaked out by him. Don't get me wrong, I think its incredible what he can do with his disability, but do what Stevie and Ray did, throw some shades on or something. But your voice. Its not enough man. You make every song sound the exact same. At one point, I thought you sang the same song back to back weeks. If you want to a chance to stick around, ditch the piano, stand in front of a mic stand(it can act as a cane too) and just sing. No piano in the song either. Good chance you peace out after this week.

Anoop Desai- You had me early on with the Bobby Brown performance because I am huge fan of 90s R&B, but ever since then.....I cant stand you. I pretty much lost all hope for you when you butchered MJ the first week. Although its not your fault. I hate when Idol makes them sing songs from an artist who just cannot be touched. They tell them all the time, don't sing Whitney or Mariah cause they are too big and too distinct, but hey, lets give them a week of Michael Jackson. HELLO! He is the most recognizable voice of all time. But Anoop, you picked Beat It and made me want to be beat you. Just stop. And then you pick Usher out of all the songs you can pick, you pick Usher. Cmon bro. Do you. And you is not a formerly colored black man or a soulful black man. You could be done after this week. Who dresses you by the way? Scott MacIntyre?

STOP SCREAMING AND MAYBE...

Allison Iraheta- When you sing, you scream. enough said. Too young. Moving on....

GIRLS RULE THE WORLD

Matt Giraud- The only reason you are still standing is because the little girls think you sound like Justin Timberlake and keep voting for you. And you wear scarfs and silly hats too. But in all honesty, I like you man. You got that soulful voice and stuff, but JT you are not. Stick with the keyboard and bring me some soul. You can sing man, but sooner or later the little girls are gonna realize you are not J Tims......tick tock tick tock.

Kris Allen- Alright. I got you lumped in this category because I can't put you in your own category and I can't put you in a better one. You got the chick votes. Hands down. Wife or no wife. You may have pulled out the wife card too early, but I feel ya on wanting to get it out there that you are married. You are the sleeper I feel in this competition. You just need to keep doing what you are doing, but lets get a little upbeat and move around the stage. You just stand or sit. MOVE. But if you can't dance or have rhythm, then sit doggie, sit.

YOU CAN DO IT....BUT.....

Lil Rounds- I love ya Lil. Love ya. But you are screwed. Every other word from the judges is about being like Mary J. You can't do that. There is only one Mary J. I know what they are saying, but Im sorry sista, you can't do it. I will say you need to throw some funk into it, some blackness. What was that Celine Dion shit last week??? BREAK IT DOWN. Throw some stank on it and just work it out. You are great, but it may not be enough. I am pulling for ya because I do trust a big butt and a smile.

I HATE YOU BUT....

Adam Lambert- Man Alive you like boys huh. But thats not why I hate you. I hate you because you scream like guy who got his dick stuck in a vaccuum....although you may like that. But bro, you can sing and you are different. Thats what the people want. They want weirdo. Look at whats his face from New Orleans who won....the guy who looks like someones uncle......TAYLOR! Thanks Google. He fuckin' won and it was because he was great entertainer. You got stage presence man. But stop screaming. Please. Now I hate dogs, fear them actually, but I even feel for them when you yelp like 12 octaves high. Right now you are the lead pony in this race.....but........

GOKE ME

Dan Fuckin' Gokey- You my friend, dumb glasses aside, are awesome. I get the goosebumbs when you sing. You blow it out. Man, I wish I could fuckin hold a note like this. You can't dance, but man oh man, you can saaaaaang. Not to mention you got the whole 'my wife just died' story in the backpocket. But you have not broken it out yet, you have not sang that song yet thats dedicated to her. You have just done what the judges told you and bring it. You win in my book. You won't get my vote but you win. GOKES. GOKES. GOKES.

Can we someone shoot Paula tonight?? She makes no sense and takes 6 days to get her words out. Get rid off all the judges except Simon. He knows what he is talking about. Listen to him tonight, guarantee you agree with at least 98% of the things he says. EASILY.