Jared runs on Dunkin'....

Ok. I just feel I need to share this with others because it will help others understand my thought process with things. So I go to Dunkin' Donuts everday. Despite the fact I am a Red Bull sales rep, I am addicted to coffee and it is a must that I get myself a coffee everyday, as well as something to eat. I generally never eat breakfast at my place because I already know I am going to be drawn to DD like a fly to shit each morning. Unfortunately I cannot go through Drive Thru's because of the company truck they give me, so this blog is based on WALK IN ORDERS. I have based my order on trying not to be 'THAT GUY'. You know the guy I am talkin about. The guy who goes for the entire office because he is trying to make a good impression on his boss and orders like 12 Box O' Joes and 60 assorted donuts when the line is already wrapped around the door. I dont know, maybe thats normal and people don't have the anxiety I get from being 'that guy'. I sit in line and think to myself, all these people want to do is get in, get out, and get on with their day. They don't want to sit behind me as I order something that is going to take Hector or Concepcion away from the counter for more than 5 mins. So I have come up with my equation that will not only satisfy me and my appetite, but as well as the other 15 people behind me. Its a 3 step process.

First step- SURVEY the LINE.
Is it long? Is it short? Is it moving fast? Do people look happy, kinda?

Second step - SURVEY the CO WORKERS
Who is on? A Manager? Two Managers? Is there a designated breakfast sandwich maker? How many on Drive Thru? How many on counter duty?

Third step - WHERE I AM?
Is this DD big? Is this DD small? Is this DD inside a gas station?

After I have assessed the situation in the Dunkin Donuts, I make my decision.
I always order a large coffee, regular. None of this mocha madness with extra french vanilla, 3.5 sugars and whipped cream. I used to get a shot of espresso in my coffee but that gave me too much anxiety cause it took longer than I thought so I stopped. Pour the coffee, add cream and sugar. DONE. The coffee is a pretty simple process for me. No issues. In and out.

But now the difficult part, and this is where it gets tricky...try and follow the bouncing ball.

If I am in a larger sized Dunkin Donuts, most likely there is a designated sandwich maker at the station reading the order screen and just rifiling out Egg N Cheeses. A REAL PRO. However, if the line is too long, I will settle for a plain bagel with cream cheese. But if the line aint that bad, I will go ahead and be fat. Ham Egg N Cheese. Thank you.

SIDE NOTE: Is anyone else annoyed with people who want the employee to butter their bagel or cream cheese their bagel(HA! that sounded gross). But you know what I mean. Are you that lazy or that hurried where you can't take the time to cream cheese your own bagel in your car. You know the employee is going to half ass the cream cheese, spread it real thin, and not use the whole cream cheese container. Do yourself a favor, cream cheese yourself. Its the LAW!

Now if I am in a smaller Dunkin Donuts, its becomes a little more confusing. I need to take into consideration the length of the line, the number of employees and more importantly if the person behind the counter really wants to make me a sandwich. There is nothing worse than guessing wrong and biting into a half frozen Egg N Cheese. I need to become like Indiana Jones and choose wisely with these smaller Dunkin Donuts.

I would say about 60% of the time I settle for the plain bagel with cream cheese, spreading myself of course. Occassionally if the planets have aligned up right for me, I will choose to being the fat kid and get the bagel sandwich. Lately I have been going with just a coffee and chocolate chip muffin, its easier for me and the employee. I am happy, she does not risk injury by simply turning around and grabbing a muffin and my fellow line mates are happy with me and my quickness.

Another side note: It drives me crazy when someone orders a plain donut stick in front of me. LIVE A LITTLE! Get a fuckin sprinkle, get some frosting, dip your donut in some honey. Don't be such a pussy.

I am a bit weird. But I promise you, if you put me in a drive thru line, its NO HOLDS BARRED. I will gladly be 'that guy' and order the 12 Box O' Joes and 60 assorted donuts, I mean, after all that is their job right??

I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.....

I am a fan of lists. If I stay true to this blogging thing, I would guess about 75% of my blogs will be predicated on lists. Why do I like lists you ask? One simple reason...it sparks debate. I enjoy hearing people tell me their opinions on whatever list I put up, so your feedback is encouraged.

I got into doing lists around my sophmore year of high school. I became so unattached to class and what the teacher was saying that I started to make lists in my notebook about anything. Top 5 snack foods. Top 10 cartoon characters. Top 5 ugly chicks in my grade. Top 10 NBA video game players. You name it, I made a list about it through high school and college. Not only did making lists pass the time in class, but also made the teacher think I was actually taking notes for the entire 74 mintues. Of course, when test time came, having the Top 5 snack foods after school for notes instead of how the Roman Empire fell made studying a bit more difficult. I guess not having Cheez Its at the Coliseum during gladiator bouts would not have been an adequate enough answer for Mr Dagnese. Moving on to the point of this blog....

I work on the road so I spent more that half my day in a vehicle listening to the radio. With all this radio listening, I started to fall in love with certain songs on the radio. I am not talking about your normal dude songs on like WBCN or JAMN. I am talking about friggin' chick tunes, songs I would never admit to anyone that I dig them. Songs I would not tell anyone that I actually wait in the car until its over before I go see my customer. I kept my love for these songs until I asked one of my co-workers about a tune and he simply could not keep his LOVE for the same chick song inside either. I was not alone, there were other straight dudes out there that actually do like these chick songs. So with that being said, I figured I would unveil to the world(or the 3 people who currently read my blog) my Top 5 Songs on the Radio currently. I like to call this list....

Top 5 'Shhh, dont tell anyone I FUCKIN' love this chick song'

5. Pussycat Dolls- I Hate this Part
I am in love with Nicole Sncoruihonzger or whatever her last name is. But seriously, does it really fucking matter what her last name is. The song is just catchy and this Nicole chick needs to totally date me. Although, more than positive I would pull a Jim from American Pie and splooge on myself if I had a chance with her...that said, I now know what part she hates right here...the part where I splooge on myself after she came cross country to see me.

4b. Lady Gaga - Just Dance
I will admit, I hated this song when it first came out....with a passion. But you spend 30 out of the 40 work hours a week in a car, you hear about 9 times a day, you have to love it. HAVE TO.

4a. Pink - Sober
The irony of me liking this song is I dont think I was sober when I actually started to like this song. I could not tell you what the song is actually about or why I actually like it. I am just constantly singing it to myself, just the chorus though. I think the verses suck, way too deep for me to understand, but Ill sing the shit out of the hook and chorus in the shower and Randy Jackson would tell me 'Listen Dawg, that was dope. I actually kinda liked it. I thought it was hot....'

3. Kelly Clarkson - My Life would Suck Without You
I am usually not a big Kelly Clarkson fan, but this latest joint kinda gets me going. I can see the story she is singing about. I can feel the song. I can feel her passion. I don't want to 'feel' her cause I think she is not cute, but hey, any girl that says the word SUCK with such vigor I am a fan of. Good solid bass line and drum kick. Great steering wheel tap song. Try it.

2. Beyonce Knowles- Halo
WHAT A FUCKIN' SONG. When this song comes on the radio, I want to stand on the roof of my car and just sing up to the heavens. THE POWER. THE MESSAGE. BEYONCE. You can sing along to it and just feel good. Maybe I like this song so much is because the opening of the video is her watching her man sleep. I like sleep and apparently she enjoys letting her halo wearing man sleep too. Thats hot. Baby, I can see your halo....and your massive morning wood.

1. Lady Gaga- Poker Face
Was there any question that this was going to be my #1?? I cannot stop singing it. I cannot stopping have my Facebook status include PokerFace in some fashion. Do I think its a really dumb song for the most part? YES. Do I think it totally kicks ass when you are by yourself all day long? YES. Do I think Lady GaGa is hot? NO, but she can make a fuckin dance track. One of two things makes me love this song, the whole PA PA PA PA POKER FACE and the line that goes 'I am bluffin with my muffin'...genius. If you were a real man, you would not be ashamed to admit you love this song too....you can't help but not love it. I AM A MAN.