Put it in a doggy bag, Johnny!!

Mother Nature won't quit with this snow, so I refuse to quit on my blog and will continue to provide the world with utter nonsense happening in my mind that no one should even care or laugh about.(I keep ending sentences in prepositions and I know that ain't really good English).  Alright then, say it with me....
READY. SET.......GO!

There are songs you sing along with in your car, then there are songs you fuckin' really sing along with in your car.  The type of songs where you don't care who is watching, where you are, you don't even care that you are even driving a motor vehicle.  'Man in the Mirror' was that song for me, but 'Grenade' by Bruno Mars is really starting to creep its way to the top spot. I am pretty sure I could fill out Madison Square Garden if people caught wind of how awesome I am when I am riding in my car.  Don't know what it is about that song, but I feel it and I feel it hard.(thats what she said!)

Ok.  Would you consider it weird if you were to walk into a public restroom and see a guy in a wheelchair using the urinal?  I will give you a minute to try and figure out how that would actually work....
.Alright, so I walked into the restroom to take a piss.  As I walked in to use the urinal, I see the guy in the wheelchair who was in the bar area all night, but he was in front of the urinal, and he was using it!  Now, he was not a wheelchair cripple, because I saw him using his legs to push himself around so he must have some sort of muscle disease or something.  I am by no means making fun of him, just observing.  The urinal was low to the ground so maybe it is also intended for the handicap, litte kids, dogs and midgets? I don't know.  But the thing that kind of blows my mind is that he was the only person in the bathroom with both stalls open, which included a spacious handicap stall.  No one passed me by as I was entering the bathroom, so I think the wheelchair guy chose to use the urinal.  So if I have this correct, he just whips out his 'thang' and starts to pee with an arc to it?  I think?  I wasn't looking because when I entered and saw him using the lone urinal, I panicked and I had to use the handicap stall.  Ironic? I don't know, I just picture him peeing like one of those statues that pee into a fountain.  I commend him for wanting to feel he can do anything I can do, but I think if I was in that position, I would rather pee with ease instead of making it into a challenge from Double Dare.  Am I going to hell?

I am having a tough time slotting the Peanut Butter Twix bar into my Top 15 candybars.  It will make it in, but I don't want to disrespect it or give it too much praise.  It is a very intricate list, alright!  For a person who once consumed a king size chocolate bar every day for at least 6 months, then go to Wendy's for lunch, I take this shit seriously. I will have the candy bar list soon......I hope.

Stepping on snow for me is worse than nails on a chalkboard and I can't avoid stepping on snow!  It is everywhere and I literally cringe with every step, to the point where I have to shuffle my feet as I walk.  It is by the far the worst feeling I have experienced.  I want to jump on a stranger's back and have them carry me to where I am going.  The thought of stepping on snow and hearing that sound, makes me want to stab icicles in my eye and kick kittens. 

Is it weird, rude, or awesome that I went to an engagement party last weekend that provided a buffet of appetizers for their guests, and I was the only asshole to ask for a carry-out box to take some of the food home?  I don't cook or I choose not to cook, actually I choose not to food shop.  I would rather drink and eat Top Raamen right now...being an adult is hard.

When people don't hold the door for me when I am carrying 15 cases of Red Bull into a store makes me want to fire a 20oz can off their face from close range and go into the Antoine Dodson Bed Intruder rant where he calls the person 'dumb, you are really really dumb'  You see me coming, we made eye contact. You know I am coming into the Tedeschi's because you know they don't sell Red Bull at H&R Block.  I called a lady a loser and I said it kind of loud too.  She was sitting there, peering out the window, scratching her dumb Lucky 7s tickets, seeing me going up a ramp and coming into the store, open the fucking door.  Don't just watch me get a hernia.  So ya, I called her a loser, totally got her! 

So Backstreet and New Kids are going to play at Fenway. They still don't have the best boyband song in the history of all boybands...just let it play