I'm allergic to eggs, I got a bad outside hookshot, I have a $6 haircut, I mean, I have problems.....

(Originally written 2 weeks ago.)

I figured there was no better time to enter my first blog entry then as I house sit for my parents while they lounge in the sun down Florida. They approached me about three weeks ago to ask me to do this for them because and I quote...'We want someone there at the house in case anything happens".... I translated that as...'You are the middle child, we are taking your sister with us, your brother and his wife will be in Ireland, so that leaves you, the middle child, to sacrifice in case the Wet Bandits decide to strike....YOU MUST PROTECT THE 'SET IT AND FORGET IT'.

Thankfully, my dad did do something for me.

"I did get you food for the week though....Oreos and Corn Pops."

So here I am, struggling to find a topic to write about for my first entry, with no heat because the oil burner just decided it would go on a vacation too. (NOTE TO SELF: Do not call Mom while in Florida when heat breaks, a string of phone calls will ensue for 20 mins, every other minute asking me to reset the oil burner over and over and over and over and over and over and over......) With all of that happening, I figured the best topic to write about was.....well.....ME. So here we go, TRUE JARED STUFF. GO.

I am 28.

I am bald. AWFUL.

I have 2 high school diplomas. Figure that one out.

I suffer from middle child syndrome.

I have a fear of dogs.

I could eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I eat too much fast food, but never gain weight...its a curse.

I want to learn to cook, but lack the ability and desire to measure.

I cheated my way through college for the most part.

I created a fake community service just so I could go to afternoon bar on Fridays. The D on the paper tells me it was a bad choice, but so did the shots of Ol Grand Daddy's Whiskey at 4pm on Fridays.

I shave my head once a week, but wear a hat 24-7.

I like to think I am slightly above average in the dancing category for white guys.

I am a huge Michael Jackson fan.

I am have been 5 concerts in my life. 4 have involved Timberlake. Im not ashamed.

I need early 90s hip hop and R&B to make a comeback. Keith Sweat, Shai, Tyrese, Bobby Brown, and PM Dawn are in a cave right now planning their comeback we should all hope.

I was once reported missing in the woods of West Boylston for 24 hours, even though I was sleeping on a couch in Worcester. Its my GO TO story......but definately not my parents.

I graduate 3rd to last in my college class. Not ashamed.

I like to think I did my college years right. INCREDIBLE. Although the previous statement may disagree with this one.

I hate people who say 'we' when talking about sports teams. 'WE SHOULD TRADE BRADY' 'WE NEED TO GET ANOTHER BAT!"....SHUTUP. YOU will be doing none of those things. YOU will be doing the same thing as I, drinking beers, in sweats, with your gut hanging out.

I would give up my left nut and maybe a hand if I could sing.

I think guys who apply chapstick at a bar, need to not do that, because I get uncomfortable.

I probably won't blog after this.