I woke up this morning and realized I don't own gloves, a shovel or a winter jacket. How is this possible? I am 30 and lived in Massachusetts my entire life. And I have a mother who would dress me up like Ralphy's little brother, Randy from 'A Christmas Story'. Can I blame Santa for not bringing those items to me 2 days ago or does that not fly? How do I not at least own an old Baracuda jacket, my 1997 State Champion Soccer fleece, a mitten or something?
I also woke up this morning and my toilet was clogged. I don't own a plunger either. Without a shovel to get my car out, I can't go get a plunger to unclog my toilet, without a toilet I can't sit on the throne and watch YouPorn. In my book, this is enough to qualify my life as spiraling out of control. I feel like I am playing Top Gun for Nintendo and I am having one bitch of a time landing the plane. My life is going up in flames all over a plunger and a shovel. I will do what any 30 yr old male would do.....call his Mom.
I have a job interview tomorrow but I also have a pretty impressive beard going on right now. Do I shave and look professional? Do I trim it up and look like the 'Most Interesting in the World'? Or do I say screw it, wear the beard as is and just explain to the people 'hey, this is my first beard of my facial hair career and this thing ain't ready to go.'? It's a Catch 22. Part of me thinks Catch 22 is the completely wrong English term for this situation. Ms Slusarz would be so upset with me right now.
And I am joking, I don't watch YouPorn on the toilet, thats gross. I watch music videos to learn new dance moves.
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