It is snowing out and it just took me 40 mins to get from Woburn to Wakefield. Thank God, I had those Captain and Cokes to make my drive that much more awesome. The funny thing about snowstorms is that everyone freaks the fuck out yet everyone has lived in Massachusetts for at least 25 years. Why is this news? Why is this big news? Why does it seem like everyone is always unprepared for winter? I just don't get it. I was at the grocery store today at 830am. Granted, it was the first time I have done a food order that was over $70, but you would have thought that Megatron and the Decepticons were coming the way people were running around the grocery store. People were leaving their spots in line to get every last bit of their grocery list. Tell me, is that a bag of flour going to save your life in these 15" of snow?? Didn't think so. I just hope the power doesn't go out because I bought 8 Mama Celeset's and 7 Hungry Man dinners. I need the microwave to work or I may die and I can't yell for help because everyone is building is at least 77 yrs old. Tell my parents I love them.
-I heard the term 'Thundersnow' today. It was a combination of the fact that A)it will be snowing like a motherfucker and B) we may have thunder ....so the weatherman thought he would be clever by saying it will be our first Thundersnow of the year. You can't just start using the term Thundersnow and act like its nothing. I mean, Jesus, Thundersnow! I am pretty sure Thundersnow comes from that the Snow Level in Contra for Nintendo and that was a bitch of a level so for anyone who played Contra when they were kid knows you don't just take the term ThunderSnow lightly. Just say blizzard or nor'easter. Thanks.
-It annoys me that the people who park in the small parking garage at my building decided to place their windshield wipers off their windshield. Do you know what I mean? People do it so their wipers don't get stuck or frozen....but you are under the roof, the snow won't come near your car. Stop. Are you mocking me? To me, I feel like you are making moose ears and sticking your tongue out at me by putting your wipers up. You know you don't have to, but you do it anyways....Stop. I hate you.
-Ok so my Mom claims she didn't buy me skinny jeans for Christmas, but she did buy me a shirt that looks like I was an extra in the movie 'Night at the Roxbury'. I love my mom, but I have a really hard time answering the question 'So do you like that shirt I bought you?' with a straight face. It is like that episode from the Cosby Show where Denise decided to make Theo a shirt but one sleeve was longer than the other. Or when Seinfeld had to wear the pirate shirt.....I am too nice and I have to say I like it, but it will just hang in my closet for the next 5 years. Sorry Mom.
-My mom stopped signing our gifts 'From Santa' this year. I was not happy. I think she gave up on Christmas.
-Do I have to work tomorrow? Can someone find that out for me? I will hate the world if I have to work tomorrow. The world can survive without Red Bull for one day. I am banking on not working because I already polished off a half bottle of Captain Morgans and I still have a Four Loko and 22 beers left. I think I need a hug.
-Tell ya what I don't miss. Parking in South Boston during a snowstorm. I am so happy I don't have to compete with a gnome or a lawn chair when parking my car. I have a spot. It will be plowed for me(I hope).
-I know I'm not gay because 3 other dudes tonight admitted they love Rhianna's new songs. Wait, am I hanging out with gay guys?
-Being stuck in a snowstorm, in an apartment by yourself has to be the equivalent of being in the looney bin. I feel like I am in the hole at a prison, but have been on good behavior so I am allowed a computer and a tv. Got everything but a conjugal visit....
-If another old person burns toast and causes the building's fire alarm to go off, I am not evactuating. I will take my chances and stand on my balcony and jump if need be. Its only 4 floors with snow. We used to jump out of windows 2 floors up in college into snow banks. This is is do-able. Picture your parents are visiting for the night and you have dudes just falling from the sky into the snowbank under your window. I wish I was in that dorm room when I came flying out of nowhere, screaming like a maniac as I fell.
-Speaking of college, during snowstorms, while everyone would go to the bars, Longden and I would go dorm to dorm and steal all the food from people's kitchens while chanting 'We are We are....a bunch of fucking assholes'(in the tune of the P.O.D's song, Youth of a Nation, look it up) We once stole someone's birthday cake. We each had a slice, then got a guilty concious(sp?) and returned the cake to the front door with a note on it........2 slices missing. Ha.
-Do I have to work tomorrow!!
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